Thursday, 17 July 2014

Between A Rock And A Hard Place.....

 

 
 
 
I would like to thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers. Although I've not been able to reply to you all, knowing you're thinking of me and mum has helped, enormously.
 
 
 
 
 
Mum is still with us, fighting on......exactly as we knew she would. She's comfortable with those she loves around her. Some tears, much love and a bit of laughter. I wish she would just drift off, but that ain't her way. Oh no, not my mum.
 
I've taken on many roles this week....daughter, a role that will soon cease, mother, sister, friend, nursemaid. I've sat with relatives who have come to say goodbye, handed out the tissues when needed, encouraged mum to sip from her cup, bathed her eyes, kissed her forehead, held her hand. I've hummed songs to her, (I don't sing as I know this will be too painful for her!).
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm having to make on of the most difficult decisions of my life so far.....I really do feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.
 
 
Which of my roles is the most important? I keep swinging from one to the other. My role as a daughter, which has been so important over the last few years. I've looked after her, kept her safe, loved and comforted her when she's been scared and confused. Then there's my role as a Mum, very, very important. The girls have been great, they know I'm not been around much this week, they know why. Then there's my role as a sister, we've laughter and cried a lot this week, when one sinks the others lift.
 
 
 
 
 
 
We've a holiday booked.....to start this weekend. A much longed for trip to Cornwall. Sometimes I'm thinking we will go, I know it's what Mum would tell me to do. In her book you put your role as a Mum first, she always did. I can do this I think, my family need a holiday. I can do this, I can be happy, have fun with my family. And then I'm consumed with a sense panic at the thought of leaving her. It's so overwhelming it takes my breath.
 
 
I've been fortunate so far in my life that I've not had to make too many difficult decisions. This ones is pants, (I could think of more choice words, but I won't).
 
 
 
 
 
 
So I've asked my Mum if she wants a trip down to St.Ives next week with me....I've told her we can have a little walk along the beach, see what treasures we can find. A bit of sea glass, a piece of drift wood, like we used too. We will have a little paddle, eat some fish 'n' chips as we watch the waves....and if she's really good I will by her an ice-cream with a chocolate flake. Yes, it's been far too long since she visited the sea, I really really hope she can join me there.....
 
 
 
I just wish I could chop myself into two.
 
 
 
Bye for now,
 
 
 
Ada xxx
 
 
 
 

 

34 comments:

  1. Oh Ada I'm so, so sorry....

    Try to enjoy your time with your family, make some happy memories for them....
    thinking of you

    bestest daisy xxxx

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  2. Bless you, I am sure you will make the decision that is right for you and yours - and once you make your decision, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong!

    Helenxx

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  3. Do what is on the top of your heart, then all else will follow.
    Have a great time in St. Ives. Give your mum an extra hug from all of us who wish her well.

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  4. Hugs to you. You're in my thoughts, Ada.

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  5. It is not an easy time for you, whatever you do you will constantly second guess yourself. I am thinking back 10 years ago when I sat with my Mum, she held on to life with grim determination until she was ready. Just like you I had my siblings around me, we laughed and cried, shared memories and feelings. Try to think of yourself as well as the rest of your family. Take care and what ever you do about the holiday do not waste time on second thoughts and a guilt trip. Pam x

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  6. Oh Ada,

    I'm REALLY thinking of you. You will make the right decision. Sometimes life brings huge, painful challenges but it's obvious that you are truly amazing.

    Stephanie

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  7. Oh Ada, I've just read your previous post and this one. Your mum sounds like an incredible and strong woman and I do hope she'll be able to join you in St Ives. Thinking of you, my lovely, and sending you virtual bear hugs. Keep strong. xx

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  8. Hang in there!!!! You're so lucky to have your family around.
    Take care
    Lynne

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  9. Dear Ada, you do have a lot on your plate. I have been through this most recently with the passing of my father. My only advice would be to keep yourself whole, it is so easy for us to break bits off, but them there is nothing left and we become no good for those who do need us. At the end do what you feel is right for you, it sounds crass but you are living and you have done all you can and will continue to do all you can but it's about balance as well. I am not making much sense but I am trying to say that you are important too. This is an emotional thing, but there are others with you, lean on them when you need support too. Hugs, because it's all I can do from here.

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  10. Thinking of you. What ever you decide will be ok. And Cornwall is not the end of the earth, you can always come back if you need to. Sending hugs from the end of the earth. Eleanor xxx

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  11. I don't think there is a right answer - just the one that you can best live with. I think you r mum would probably say that life is for the living, most mums would. Just be sure that you can live with the decision that you take. Best love and hugs for her and for you and your family xx

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  12. Sweet Ada :) I was thinking a lot about you today as I moved my dad into his new care home. I was hoping things were going well with you and your lovely mum. It sounds like everything is as well as can be expected, which isn't always as well as we want, I know. Such a difficult time for you. Only you can make the decision on whether to go on holidays or not. My mother would've said to go as well ("oh, don't worry about me" she would say), but it sounds like our mothers are very much alike in that respect ... selfless and always putting others first (being Mum comes first like you say!). I've got my dad whisked into a new place today, all new people around him, he's maybe feeling a little lost, but the attendants there have been so wonderful today. And tomorrow I'm on holiday for a week. I feel really badly, and I want to be there for him, but my family needs me too. Like you, I'm split. My sister is going in to see him tomorrow, and my other sister is arriving back from her vacation on Sunday. It sounds like your own mother will be well visited whether you are there or not. Don't beat yourself up too much over this because I don't think there's any right or wrong decision. But don't regret your final decision either, as your mum knows where your heart lies regardless. Take care my friend, you're in my prayers tonight. Wendy xox

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  13. Ada my heart goes out to you and the family. Yes I know your Mum would say go but it is so hard for you to decide, if she is up to it take her with you, spend all the time you can with her whist she is still with you. I lost my Mum in 2006 aged 92 and was so glad although it was hard watching her slip away I would have hated not to be with her for her last week. You, your Mum and the family I will keep in my prayers

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  14. Big hugs to you all during this difficult time. It sounds like you and your mum have had a great relationship. Fingers crossed for her trip to the seaside, wouldn't that be wonderful xx

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  15. Gosh, so hard for you right now. Having to be everything to others whilst trying to cope with your own feelings about what is going on. Big hugs xxx

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  16. Hi Ada, I read your last post and this one and have marvelled at your Mums strength and determination. What a difficult scenario to cope with. My mum was a fighter too, and when the docs said she had 24 hours, she stayed for one month extra! My Aunt stayed with my uncle 24/7 and the ONE night she went home he died.I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you never know how things might pan out, and as you said your Mum would wish you had a lovely holiday. x

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  17. If you need to be with your mum I am sure that other times for holidays will present themselves. Treasure the precious time you have left as a daughter. Thinking of you during such a heart wrenching time. xx

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  18. It really sucks!!!! But whatever your decision, you have to trust that it will be the right one!!!! Taking her to the beach sounds just fabulous!!!!
    Love
    AMarie xxx

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  19. If you have other family members who can be with her, I think she would want you to have the holiday. You can always come back if you need to. It such a difficult decision to have to make. I really feel for you. There may be a refresh of energy for you that you need to continue with. You'll make a good decision. Lots of love to you X

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  20. Dear Ada, I've been following your blog from France for a while now. What you are going through echoes what I went through with my father last year. The most important thing of all is that you are by your mother's side and in this, you are fortunate. I was able to be by my father's side all the way, until the last breath. And believe me you will be strong enough for this. Of course there is the pain, but holding his hand until the last minute is the best thing I have ever done which is not nearly enough compared to what he gave us all his life... But I'm glad I did it. I'm still crying over him but these are good tears. Lots of love for you and your family.

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  21. Just sending you a hug. My mum has dementia too xx

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  22. my dad in his last days asked me one question that broke my heart . "was I a good dad? " He was a crazy bizarre dad but he was the best dad a girl could have , that he could doubt that was heartbreaking . Enjoy the end days as best you can , plaster the smile on and hide the tears , the whole experiance ends in tears and good memories

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  23. Enjoy your break, you deserve it. There will doubtless be times when your body is with your family, paddling, licking ice creams, but your soul will be sitting with your mum, sharing the holiday memories with her. All your blogland friends are thinking of you both, and your family too, for whom this must also be difficult.

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  24. If you can, then do it ...
    If you can't, you know she would have understood, and would want you, her wonderful daughter, to have some time out and be a mum ... you deserve it too.
    M x

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  25. Oh Ada Bea, how I wish I could give you a big hug right now, because words fail me. Chrissie xxx

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  26. Oh Ada my heart goes out to you - you have written so beautifully about your mum in your last two posts. What love. She sounds amazing. There is no advice, you must follow your heart and do what you have to do; we only know what that is when we get to it.
    I had checked your blog to say that I was going to do a new 'On My Mantel soon but that is far from your mind I expect. Maybe you can have a mantel that is a tribute to your lovely mum when the time is right, Much love to you and BIG hugs, Karen x

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  27. Hi, I love your craft, is beauty, I love a colors, I follow your blog, hugs from Brazil.
    Visit my blog - Tita Carré - free patterns crochet


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  28. Ada I've only just caught up on your posts and I'm so sorry to read about your Mum, what a wonderful woman she sounds. You probably do need a break yourself but I'm sure you'll do what's best, I'll be thinking of you, take care of yourself, that's important.

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  29. Your post made me cry, sending you so much love, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job for everyone - and a little holiday is exactly what you need. :)

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  30. Hi, I just read your previous post and want to send you my love. I lost my dad a couple of years ago to dementia ( and my mum to bowel cancer years before) both are terrible, horrid illnesses but the dementia is very sad, to see the person you love waste away. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time xxBrenda

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  31. Oh Ada I've been absent for so long that I'm afraid I've missed what has been happening to you. My thoughts go out to all of you in this difficult time x Jane

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